you know that quote i have over there? the one that talks about laughing after tragedy. well it's been 16 or so years since this particular embarrassing event happened, i think i'll air it out and see if it makes me laugh. here goes:
so i am 16 and all my friends have been kissed. it starts to be kind of a big deal in my head. i've built it up until i've thought about it so much that it scares me. and i equate kissing with crazy axe wielding murderers encountered in the dark. basically i'm terrified. so like many teenage girls i go on dates. and like many teenage girls i know what happens at the end of dates. in mormondom most dates are platonic. just practicing for when we are older you know. but some dates, i am pretty sure that the boy kind of likes me. and i am pretty sure that the boy probably expects a kiss for his troubles.
like that's happening.
so i come up with ways to avoid the door step thank-you kiss. hi fives for starters. it sounded good in my head, but you should have seen the kids face when i pulled that one. i might as well have just said, "you smell." which in all honesty he didn't but if it was a last resort i would have said it. my next great avoider: the turn away. i just waited until he was coming in for the kill and i'd quickly turn away and call over my shoulder, "thanks! i had a great time." that one however proved to be too obvious, and i started getting a reputation attached to me. one kid offered the victor 50$ . anyone who finally pinned me down with a good ole wet one would also find himself a little richer. i think that kid really thought that i'd never cave. I did come up with a better way of avoiding kisses. I stood on the very edge of the top step to my front door. which made me taller and no boy wants to kiss a girl whose hovering 2 feet above them. it's affeminate. teenage boys are very sensitive about their height. it worked pretty good. so good, i started selling my advice to other scared teen girls. (just kidding, let's face it, i'm the only teenage girl in history dumb enough to AVOID kissing.) *sigh of regret and a head shake*
but it started to get old. and that kid and his 50$ made me mad. so it's homecoming. and my dress is a lovely shade of peach and my date is a good friend who i like. and so i decide to stand on the bottom step. and keep my high fives to myself and not under any circumstances turn away.
the door step scene arrives. i smile, (a half crazed with fear kind of smile) and jabber on in nervous conversation. until i have to stop for what seems like eternity. don't talk, don't move, don't run away to honduras. and in he comes for the kill.
next thing i remember is shaking like a leaf in my mom's bedroom. and she is laughing her head off cause she knows i finally gave in and the ensuing adrenilin rush has rendered my brain useless. somewhere between the kiss and finding myself inside, i had blacked out, muttered goodbye and wandered off to find my mommy. *shaking head again* even my dad is chuckling behind half closed sleepy eyes and snores.
so that's the story of how i turned a regular teenage right of passage into a shock inducing night of blackouts. the end
ps that nice boy never got his 50$.
and nope, i'm not laughing. just shaking my head and rolling my eyes.
14 comments:
well I am laughing. I feel for you....but I'm still laughing. I pretended I was asleep. I'd fall asleep (or pretend to) in the car. Guy would wake me up and I'd say something along the lines that I was so tired, but had a wonderful time, and insisted he stay in the car while I ran to my door. I'm not good at acting. I'm sure many guys were left driving home wondering what went wrong. As horrible as it sounds, I hope our girls do the same thing and I will teach my boys to initiate high fives;)
You weren't the only one mags...I feel your pain. I was the same type of teenage girl who was trying to avoid a kiss at all costs! It was just so darn scary! I dated a guy for years and never kissed him. :)
absolutely brilliant! There is nothing like a little "Maggie" to always make my day better.
Nothing like a throw back to the days of MHS to get my day started! Darla was the same way, and we got some good giggles out of her strategies. Loved it! (I can't help but be curious as to who the smoocher was...)
Mags, you are awesome. AWESOME! At least you didn't pull the obvious dodge and then shriek, "You scared the crap out of me." That one really makes friends. :) Oh. . . the memories this post brought back. Were we really that dumb? (And am I now working my hardest to make sure my girls avoid kissing as hard as we did? Yes, yes I am. You have to start when they are young.)
Not just laughing, but rolling ;)This is one of my fave mags stories, but my feeble mind can't pinpoint which "boy" it was that was there on the doorstep w you that night! Love you Mags, and you weren't the only one with kissing fears, I had some tragic stories as well. ...Glad we could stick together on that one :)
the poor boy on the door step was mike adams. and kelly perhson is the kid who still owes him 50$. ps franki, i can't get onto your blog! invite me!!
Hm...please tell me how to integrate that fear into my children. Most of my family hasn't had any fear problems.
And don't you hope Avery has the same fear????
I'm laughing for you Mags! ;)
well I am laughing my head off...and I can't wait to show Chad this post because I know he will get a great chuckle too. Thanks for sharing Maggie you are hilarious...when is your book coming out? :) I hope I can keep my daughter thinking kissing is disgusting-as she says it is when she watches Sleeping Beauty!
Thanks for a good story. I loved it. I can't relate much, but mostly because I was a little TOO hormonal during those teenage years. Although there were boys I didn't like that I had to come up with some excuses...
oh Sister Duct Tape, we do miss you up here. Lovely story.
was pretty nervous for my first kiss too, though I didn't black out, it was with a guy I'd never seen in day light. He dropped me off at my house behind the church after the dance. I figured what the heck. It was so sloppy I wiped my mouth and said "Yuck" out loud. I didn't think I did at first but I did say it out loud. Oops. I didn't mind so much when I saw the guy in day light. Nothing ever bloomed from there.
I'm glad you survived to tell the tale. :)
I love a good laugh in the morning. I think we all build up kissing to be something scary cause are parents instill it in us from the age of two, not to kiss boys. They're Yucky! For me I just went to first night on New Year’s Eve and kissed about 10 boys in one night. If you’re going to do it, do it the right way and get some good lip time with as many boys as you can find. Haha. I was 18 when I finally realized how ridiculous I was for never kissing anyone. Lip virgin to lip whore in one night.
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