you know that quote i have over there? the one that talks about laughing after tragedy. well it's been 16 or so years since this particular embarrassing event happened, i think i'll air it out and see if it makes me laugh. here goes:
so i am 16 and all my friends have been kissed. it starts to be kind of a big deal in my head. i've built it up until i've thought about it so much that it scares me. and i equate kissing with crazy axe wielding murderers encountered in the dark. basically i'm terrified. so like many teenage girls i go on dates. and like many teenage girls i know what happens at the end of dates. in mormondom most dates are platonic. just practicing for when we are older you know. but some dates, i am pretty sure that the boy kind of likes me. and i am pretty sure that the boy probably expects a kiss for his troubles.
like that's happening.
so i come up with ways to avoid the door step thank-you kiss. hi fives for starters. it sounded good in my head, but you should have seen the kids face when i pulled that one. i might as well have just said, "you smell." which in all honesty he didn't but if it was a last resort i would have said it. my next great avoider: the turn away. i just waited until he was coming in for the kill and i'd quickly turn away and call over my shoulder, "thanks! i had a great time." that one however proved to be too obvious, and i started getting a reputation attached to me. one kid offered the victor 50$ . anyone who finally pinned me down with a good ole wet one would also find himself a little richer. i think that kid really thought that i'd never cave. I did come up with a better way of avoiding kisses. I stood on the very edge of the top step to my front door. which made me taller and no boy wants to kiss a girl whose hovering 2 feet above them. it's affeminate. teenage boys are very sensitive about their height. it worked pretty good. so good, i started selling my advice to other scared teen girls. (just kidding, let's face it, i'm the only teenage girl in history dumb enough to AVOID kissing.) *sigh of regret and a head shake*
but it started to get old. and that kid and his 50$ made me mad. so it's homecoming. and my dress is a lovely shade of peach and my date is a good friend who i like. and so i decide to stand on the bottom step. and keep my high fives to myself and not under any circumstances turn away.
the door step scene arrives. i smile, (a half crazed with fear kind of smile) and jabber on in nervous conversation. until i have to stop for what seems like eternity. don't talk, don't move, don't run away to honduras. and in he comes for the kill.
next thing i remember is shaking like a leaf in my mom's bedroom. and she is laughing her head off cause she knows i finally gave in and the ensuing adrenilin rush has rendered my brain useless. somewhere between the kiss and finding myself inside, i had blacked out, muttered goodbye and wandered off to find my mommy. *shaking head again* even my dad is chuckling behind half closed sleepy eyes and snores.
so that's the story of how i turned a regular teenage right of passage into a shock inducing night of blackouts. the end
ps that nice boy never got his 50$.
and nope, i'm not laughing. just shaking my head and rolling my eyes.