do you ever just....get sick of stuff? and it's really hard to pretend like your kids aren't driving you crazy? do you try to pretend that the 8th time you sweep the floor is no big deal? like after you've spent 2 hours making a giant dinner and when it's ready no one says, "thank-you this is fabulous!," they just say something like, "geez.....finally." and so you want to really just smack someone, but instead you dish up everyone's plate and then like the mother in "a christmas story" spend the rest of the meal in the middle of a game of keep away between your fork and your sweet family's demands for seconds and milk? do you hate dishes and laundry and peepee toilets? to the point that when you see one, you don't even get mad. you just stand there. waving your white flag.
sometimes everyone is simultaneously needing help, asking a question, needing a drinky at one time. and i want to yell at the top of my lungs, "SHUT! UP!" and sometimes i think if one more kid argues about one more trivial thing, i'm going to develop a tick. maybe i already have one actually? i did smudge mascara all over today.
i think a gal just needs to lock the bathroom door, scream and cry into a pillow, and then go back out there and beg for more. it's like when you play sports and you say to your teammates, "sacrifice your body!" you know, give it everything. even when it hurts.
luckily, i love these people, especially when they are asleep.
and then like a good pep talk, someone says, "mom you bum is squishy, i like to squish it." or "hold me?" or "i love you." or "snuggle me." or the rarer still, "these mashed potatoes are awesome! you are the best cook." stuff like that.......you know.
and then it all sorta makes sense. they need me. to do those annoying insane things. that most people won't do. because i'm strong. i was born for this. i can take it. i can be awesome.
and that tick........it looks good on me.