I beat some ladies with oxygen tanks

Do you ever wonder where old people go to party? I mean teenagers go to Florida for spring break and people with marital problems go to las vegas, (ouch, that was harsh. don't we ALL have marital problems?) so what about old people?

On our 10 day road trip from Oklahoma to Alaska, we discovered the answer to that question. the great north is filled to overflowing with the old and wrinkly. they love it. just think.... when you are old and tired and weary, wouldn't you just want a fantastic scenic drive? Mountains, and glaciers and mtn sheep, and black bears and moose and all that jazz? So they come, geriatric bodies attached to sparkling eyes still filled with youthful zeal. and they stay, cause the lifestyle suits them, and they even start getting healthy, they eat blueberries and salmon and walk miles and miles on anchorages many trails, and then they even start to run. you'd be surprised at how far you can go when you really turn up the oxygen on those tanks. 5 miles is nothin'.

So I hear about this race being run at a golf course not far from my house and i think, "that would be a fun alternative to my usual saturdee (old people say saturdee, not saturday) run." the night before, i'm thinking, "i'll never sleep if i race tommorrow, i'll be running slo-mo in my dreams all night, i'm just gonna sleep in." but i slept great and woke-up early and what the hay, decided i'd just head on up there all by myself (not reccommended i was extremely lonely and missing my running champ sisters.) and run a race. so i get there and realize that the first 2.5 miles is STRAIGHT UP a MOUNTAIN!!! But i'm not afraid of hills (well now i am) so i paid my fee (which did not include a shirt, boo) and waited around all by my lonesome for the start. This winnebago was parked near the race start touting a man with one leg who had run the race every year for 30 years!! he had on an awesome running fake leg and it was all so inspiring i lost a little of my precious tear fluids before we even started. so i chugged up the hill (i think a little of me died on that hill) and when i turned around splashed myself with my glass of water and then let gravity take me down the mountain. I passed all the geriatric runners on my way down and they were shouting encouraging things and i get to the old guy with one leg and he walks over to me (he's walking at this point, wait no, he's hiking) and he says, "there's one girl in front of you, she's tired catch her." so i did. and i won. and before you get all excited for me, like i'm really awesome, just remember that i beat 4 women my age, and 25 women who are members of the over 60 hiking clubs and you'll know that if i had done worse, it would have been comical. so now i have two plastic trophies, two swollen knees, one appointment to see an orthopedist, and a desire to retire in alaska so i can one day join the over 60 hiking club. i may need a metal knee, but at least my eyes will still have that youthful sparkle.